Inside Chris's Head » crime

Stupid Criminals Dept: "Please Remove Your Disguise Sir"

chris2x — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 00:26:51 +0000

So you are a bank teller and someone comes in to rob the bank wearing a hood and a scarf to hide his features. How do you identify the criminal? You might just try asking him to take off his disguise.

Police said Brian Waltermyer, 33, walked into the Integrity Bank in York on Thursday evening. He was wearing a hood. As he approached the teller, carrying a note demanding money, the teller asked him to remove the hood. He did, giving the bank surveillance cameras a crystal-clear view of his face.

Officers who watched the tape recognized Waltermyer and tellers were able to identify him from a photo lineup, police said.

You have to like compliant criminals.

Stupid Criminals Dept: That's My Boom Box!

chris2x — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 20:39:26 +0000

A friend of mine has a friend who’s a retired DC cop. The ex-cop had Christmas dinner at my friends house, where he told a great old story:

Patrolling the streets one day, a man flagged him down, waving his arms enthusiastically…

Told him, “That guy over there stole my boom box, and that’s the box on his shoulder”.

Cop, “OK, let’s go check it out…”

Cop to Suspect: “First man says this is his boom box.”

Suspect: “No man, this box is mine!”

First man: “Look, I can prove it.”

Cop: “How?”

First man: “My pot stash is in the handle.”

Cop: “OK, only you would know that. Let’s see it.”

Stash is in fact in handle

Cop to first man: “You’re right. And you’re under arrest for possession.”

Cop to second man: “You’re under arrest for theft.”

Catching Crooks With A Better Mousetrap

chris2x — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 22:08:24 +0000

5 year old Harry Cordaiy is now called “Mousetrap Man” by his class mates. He and his classmates had been the victim of a thief or thieves at their school before Harry sprung into action. He devised a homemade ink bomb using a mousetrap and food coloring attached to a $5 note. Using his homemade device he and his classmates were able to catch the thief “red handed”, well technically “green handed” in this case.

Man Robs Underwear Stores Believing He Was A Female Elf

chris2x — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 16:31:59 +0000

Man accused of robbing underwear shops claims that he thought he was a magic female elf. Fails to level up.

Insert video gaming joke here.

Stupid Criminals Dept: Caught for The Want of a Belt

chris2x — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 20:14:03 +0000

From Dvorak’s blog another stupid criminal trick:

[Cheyanne E. Dwiggins, 18, who was] arrested for shoplifting had filled her pockets with so many items that her weighted-down pants dropped to her ankles as she tried to run out of the store, police said.

When Lapel Police Chief Dennis Molina pulled up, he saw Dwiggins’ bare behind as she tried to escape from Law and back out of the door, her weighted-down pants at her ankles, court records say.